Snapes on a Train
by shnugglyFROG
Summary: Anyone who's been through the HP series has a pretty good sense of how life as a normal student is there. HOWEVER! Dan, Tracie, and I wanted to address the issue of special needs students and that is why we wrote this fic. Curiosity is a curious thing.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

SNAPES ON A TRAIN

DAN

Perched on a bench near platform nine and one quarters was Dan. He gazed quietly at all the students leaving for Hogwarts through platform nine and three quarters. He had learned long ago that he wasn't allowed to take the same platform as all the other students. If he followed them he would miss the right train and wouldn't be able to make it to Hogwarts on time. He didn't think that he should have to ride a separate train just because everyone thought he was different.  
Pondering himself while waiting, he tried to figure out what others thought was wrong with him. He was slightly tall and had broad shoulders, though he was no more than an inch or two taller than all the other students. No one had ever called him ugly but then again no one had ever said he was cute either. Hermione had said he was being cute once while she was petting him on the head. Though he knew that wasn't the same. Having been sorted into Ravenclaw he didn't think his intelligence had anything to do with it either. So if it wasn't because of looks or intelligence it had to be because he thought he was a dragon.  
Earlier he had watched Hermione and her friends pass through the wall of the platform. Hermione seemed to be in a hurry but she had still found time to smile and wave at him. Dan had just grinned, showing all is teeth, and waved a single claw at her. When she wasn't looking, her stupid friend Ron had made funny faces at him. His response had been to growl and flip Ron the bird. Luckily Harry had grabbed the pissed off Ron and dragged him through to the train otherwise Dan might have had to finally eaten him.  
Someone, singing rather loudly, made Dan turn to see one of his two best friends walking up.  
"I see people walking and talking, and look it's someone's baggage..." She trailed off as she stopped singing to admire Dan's lone red bag sitting up against the wall. Dan knew her name was Deidra but he usually called her Deij whenever he chose to speak the human language. She was always so full of energy and it wasn't common for her to not be dancing about and singing. He learned fast that she was a very creative witch. After all she had already invented over five hundred new spells since she had been at Hogwarts. Though he figured she couldn't remember any of them. She had to ride the train with him because she was considered to have the worst case of A.D.D. ever.  
"Dan, your scales are shining brightly this morning." Deidra said as she finally looked over at him.  
"Thank you." Dan said in a half hiss half growled voices. Before he could say anything else Deidra wondered over and onto the railroad tracks.  
As a security guard was trying to get her attention Dan felt someone sit down on the bench next to him. Having not sensed anyone approaching with his superior senses he leapt from the bench onto all fours and in a crouching position wheeled around to see who his attacker was. To his surprise it was his other best friend Tracie. He should have known it would be her. She was the only person at Hogwarts that could sneak up on him like that.  
She said nothing and didn't look the least bit surprised by Dan's behavior. Most people took her for being the quiet shy loner type, but Dan knew there was more to her. She avoided emotions at all costs. Whenever she became aware of a strong emotion she was feeling she would have to lie down and have a spasm. Dan had no idea whether or not it was a real condition or if she was doing it on purpose. He didn't care and just accepted her as she was like she excepted him. At least he assumed she accepted him.  
She hadn't ever verbally told him how she felt about him. On one occasion though he had asked her if she liked him and wanted to be his friend. She had just stared at him for a second before slowly laying down on the ground and shaking for a good ten minutes. That was good enough for him and from that point on they had been best friends. At least as best of friends as a dragon and circumstantially emotionless girl could be.  
Dan leapt back up onto his perch next to Tracie as Deij came spinning and singing something about Neville.  
"What classes did you sign up for?" Tracie asked.  
"I've been paired with Neville! I'm so excited. The teachers found out that I can get way better grades when I work... oh my god that woman has a poodle. I hope she isn't bringing it to school. I got several new school uniforms and I love the giant bows!" Deidra mostly answered before getting distracted.  
"And what about you Dan?" Tracie asked not expecting more than a growl.  
"Hermione." Dan hissed.  
"How do you always manage to get into all the same classes with the smartest witch in our school?" Tracie replied.  
Dan just gave her a shrug then tapped one of his claws to his forehead.  
"I think I am the only person in the entire world that knows how smart you can really be. What I don't get is how you manage to pass your exams barely able to hold your wand with your claws. Or how you can cast spells while growling and hissing." Tracie said having understood his simple answer.  
Dan raised a claw as if he was about to make a point when a whistle blew. They were the only three people in the entire station to hear it. It was a whistle meant just for the three of them it was the sound that said they could start their fourth year of wizardry and witchcraft. Now the special Hogwarts students could finally enter platform nine and one quarters and board there small train with tinted windows

Just like every year before Tracie was the first to line up in front of the train doors. The train was only one car long and was significantly shorter than your average train car. It only had two windows on each side and all of them were tinted almost completely black. There were only two doors on the train. The back one was for emergencies only while the front was used by the students. The front door opened and Tracie found herself starring at Professor Snape.  
"Grrrrr..." Dan said as he peered over Tracie's shoulder.  
"Ms. Brazie would you please control your pet before I am forced to curse it!" Snape said without changing his expression. Dan Jumped out from behind Tracie and landed in the trains doorway. Hissing and clawing as if he was going to attack Snape. Snape was reaching for his wand but Tracie already had hers out.  
"Serpensortia!" Tracie said as she flicked her wand at Dan. A large boomslang flew out and wrapped around Dan's arm. The boomslang happened to be one of the most poisonous snakes in the world. Dan knew this and stared dumbfounded at the snake waiting for it to bite him. The snake just stared back equally confused wondering why it was not in the jungle any more. The snake, however, was faster to snap out of it and opened it's mouth wide to reveal it's fangs. Dan thought his life was about to be ended by a snake.  
"Serpenlegra!" Deidra shouted while pointing her wand at the snake. The snake didn't bite. Instead it start to shake slowly. Soon it picked up speed and was wiggling back and forth around Dan's arm.  
"Awe, what happened to my snake. It was going to bite him." Tracie said sounding only mildly disappointed.  
"I made it dance! My new snake dancing spell works. I better write that down in my notebook. Look my notebook has kittens on it. I drew all of them myself." Deij said already forgetting her new spell. Dan meanwhile finally tossed the snake off his arm and quietly boarded the train in defeat.  
"If you are all done playing around with snakes, we need to get going." Snape said.  
"P... Pro... Professor Snape, Why are you driving the train?" Tracie asked still standing in the doorway.  
"Dumbledore believes one of you will be targeted by Voldemort. It's complete nonsense of course, as none of you could possibly have anything the dark lord would want. However, in case it is true, I wouldn't want someone from house Slytherin to be targeted. It would look poorly on my house if we lost a student before the term even began." Snape said.  
"So you... did... did it for me?" Tracie said with realization sweeping over her. Before Snape could say anything else she slowly lay down in the trains doorway. A second later she was shaking violently as if having a seizure.  
"My patients is running very thin. Don't be surprised if we all don't make it back to Hogwarts!" and then after a pause, "Bedeaux! Hill! Carry Brazie onto the train." Snape said starting to sound a little frustrated.  
"Yes sir, Right away Sir!" Deij said as she saluted Snape and then proceeded to pick up Tracie's legs. Meanwhile Dan came over and picked up her arms with his claws. He had look of distrust on his face thinking she might throw another snake at him.  
Both Dan and Deij found it difficult to carry the spazzing Tracie onto the train but they some how managed. After laying her in the middle of the floor, Dan sat in the seat next to her and gave her an evil eye. Deij went up and sat right behind Snape, who closed the doors to the train. Soon enough he train was moving towards Hogwarts.  
"Hey Snape I just thought of a great idea for a movie." Deidra said.  
"I just thought of seven spells that would shut you up." Snape replied coldly.  
"It's called Snape's on a train! Get it's like that movie about snakes, but not like the snake from earlier. Actually I don't even know what the snake from earlier was. Maybe I should take a course about snakes. I wonder what courses I am taking. I can't wait to find out if I'm in Professor... Hey the windows are getting all icy." Deidra said.  
"Dementors! Wands children... Now!" Snape said as he readied his own wand. Outside the windows Dan could see what looked like twenty Dementors circling the little train. It wasn't long until they were moving in on the train. "Patronus" Snape yelled as a dementor tried to come in through the front window. A glowing Doe came forth and chased the dementor away.  
"Patronus!"Dan said as he raised his own wand at two Dementors coming at him from the side. A small kitten appeared in the seat and scratched it's head. The Dementors were not frightened by Dan's pathetic attempt at a patronus. Dan had never cast the spell before and was actually pretty proud of himself. He turned to see if he could get help from anyone. Deidra was going crazy casting the same spell over and over again.  
"Patronus, Patronus... Patronus!" She yelled over and over again while pointing at various Dementors. Each time a new animal would appear and chase down a dementor. She had bunnies, foxes and birds running all over the place. Dan couldn't even fathom how this could be possible. He had thought everyone only had one forest animal as their patronus. Deidra appeared to have an entire forest of animals.  
Dan turned back to see if his kitten had done anything, only to see the Dementors right on top of him. He growled but it did no good as they started to suck his soul out. It felt weird at first but soon became painful. It was almost unbearable and Dan though he was about to die for the second time in less then an hour when Snape's doe came flying over and chased the Dementors away. After taking a second to regain his bearings Dan turned to see all the Dementors were now fleeing, Deij's army of forest animals were now vanishing and Tracie was still shaking on the floor.  
"I am almost impressed Ms. Hill." Snape said followed with, Take your seats so we can get going again." then he spun back to the train controls. Before he could get the train moving again there was an explosion on the roof. The cabin filled with smoke and cackling laughter.  
"Did you really think the Dementors were after you! I should thank you for saving me but I'm going to kill you all!" Bellatrix said as she dropped down into the train practically on top of Tracie. Her wand raised toward Snape.  
"Bellatrix, how nice of you to join our train of misfits." Snape said.  
"Who did Potter give it too." She yelled and saw Snape reach for his wand. "Crucio!" Lestrange shouted. Tracie finally waking up, smashed her head into the woman's stomach as she was casting the curse. It caused her spell to Miss Snape and hit the rear view mirror instead. After hitting the rear view mirror it flew right back at Bellatrix who promptly fell to the floor in pain.  
"Remarkable timing Brazie." Snape said as he walked over to the cringing Bellatrix and cast a immobulus spell on her.  
"What happened?" Tracie asked.  
"That can wait; right now let's toss Lestrange off the train." Snape replied and Dan jumped down to help him. Soon they had the crazy woman off the train and laying by the tracks.  
"Repario." Deidra cast at the ceiling while Snape was getting the train going again. Dan sat back down in the back of the train feeling tired from everything that happened. After a moment Tracie stood up and came to sit next to him.  
"Will you tell me what I missed?" Tracie asked.  
"I'm not talking to you right now." Dan said quietly so that no one could hear his normal voice besides her.  
"Why not?"  
"You tried to kill me." Dan said angrily.

"It is true that I was looking forward to watching all the blood pour out from your entire body. However, I would have given you the anti-venom before you died." Tracie replied and showed him a small vile of liquid.  
"Really?" Dan said returning to dragon speak as he thought Deij was approaching.  
"I promise!" Tracie said with her fingers crossed behind her back. Dan smiled and started to tell her what had happened. Deij continued to do her very best at annoying Snape. And Snape... Well he just drove that train like any good Snape would.

TRACIE

The rest of the train ride remained nearly uneventful, save for Tracie hanging a little too closely to Snape and Deidra flipping out in her normal hyper manner about everything while Dan just growled. He eventually curled up into a ball on one of the seats and tried to drift off, until Snape slammed the train to a stop, sending everyone flying, especially Tracie who slammed into the front of the train. "I told you to sit down," Snape hissed at the girl as she collected herself. She stared at the man blankly a moment before Deij came running up, shouting a long winded, high pitched 'wheeeeee' and holding a red cloth behind her in the air.  
She pushed passed Tracie with a grin before hopping down the steps and landing at the bottom. "WE'RE HERE!" she shouted just moments before a mad fit of laughter. Dan, of course, followed after her, deciding he could fly over the steps as well, instead he just sort of tumbled out and knocked over Deidra. "What was…? Oooooooh… look at the roly poly…" She poked the tiny bug with her finger, causing it to curl up into a ball which she tried to imitate.  
Tracie, of course, had been knocked into Snape, who quickly pushed her off of himself and dusted off his clothes as if something dirty had landed on him, but it went unnoticed by the young girl as she stepped off the train, soon followed by Snape, who eagerly turned to slink into the castle and let McGonagall deal with the brats as she normally did at this point, however he didn't see her anywhere near-by when he glanced about.  
"Hey!" Deij called out as she sat up and stared at Tracie, who stared down at her. "Have you ever read that… that Twilight book by…" Her voice trailed off as she looked to the ground in hopes of remembering the woman's name. Dan half growled and half gurgled in response, at which point Tracie looked to him and back.  
"Yes," she answered.  
"I've been wondering… do you sparkle?" the other girl asked, turning her attention back to Tracie. Tracie stared at her, almost feeling a tinge of feeling before nodding slowly.  
"I sparkle in the sun," she answered, at which point Snape turned around to object, only for his existence to be completely ignored by either girl and to merely be growled and glared at by Dan.  
"Prove it! NOW!" Deij shouted, suddenly glancing down again. She suddenly reached down and picked up a rock, studying it with an 'ooooooo' of interest. Tracie glanced to Snape and then back to Deij, figuring the girl would forget about it. And she seemed to for the time being as she crawled off after an ant. However, Dan's angry roar at the sight of the annoyed Snape's wand brought her attention back and she pointed. "BITE HIM!"  
Snape's eyes widened slightly and he glanced to Deij before Tracie jumped at him, biting at his neck. Before he could say anything, Dan joined in the fray, biting the Professor's leg. Deij laughed for a moment before suddenly noticing a start twinkling abnormally brightly and staring at it with her head cocked to the side.  
Water suddenly poured down onto Dan, making him gurgle and flop onto his back, failing his hands in a rather pathetic manner, and Snape pushed Tracie off himself, rubbing his neck and glaring at the girl, suddenly feeling ashamed that she would be in his house. Surely the Gryffindors would benefit—or rather his house would benefit better—if she had been placed there.  
"What on earth is going on?" McGonagall asked, making her abnormally late appearance. Snape cast her a rather loathsome look before turning to Tracie.  
"I'm taking this one to see if it has rabies," he muttered. "You can look after the other two imbeciles." Of course, Tracie took this as Snape caring for her and promptly laid down to seizure. The male professor watched her a minute before walking off, deciding it not worth his time in the least.

DEIDRA

Upon exiting the train and quite successfully harassing Professor Snape, the three very special children proceeded to make their way over to the very special carriage that hauled them to the castle every year.

Tracie looked acknowledgingly at the single Thestral pulling the contraption. Though Thestrals all looked alike, she was able to recognize that they had the exact same one every year for some reason or another.

"Heeeeeyyyy Fabio~!" Deij greeted it cheerfully as they approached before going over to pet it curiously as she always had. They were in their sixth year now and neither Dan nor Tracie had any idea just where the chipper blonde had ever seen death. She certainly didn't behave like anyone who had seen death or, on the other hand, that could very well be why she was so scrambled in the head.

They climbed into the carriage, these thoughts quickly dispersing within their minds. It was nothing they took too seriously. If the three of them, or rather Dan and Tracie since they had the attention span, took the time to think about all of their bizarre quirks in depth, they would surely explode.

Still though, Deidra, for this was her full name, was not as A.D.D. as her friends believed. She actually thought about a lot of things in detail and even in one sitting at times. One particular fascination of hers, for example, was Neville Longbottom. For whatever reason, his shy, polite and nervous tendencies made her spastic little heart slow the fuck down. It was widely noticed by the professors early on that she preferred to sit near him and, when she did, she focused and performed better in class. He was a good influence on her.

If only she didn't frighten him so much.

"You know you guys?" She said bringing about her friends' attention. "I think this year—oooh the lake's pretty tonight!—I think this year'll be awesome. I can't wait to see—Bless you Fabio—Neville. You think maybe I can get him to like me finally?"

Dan merely let out a low, guttural growl and turned to gaze above the trees ahead. Oh how he longed to fly to the castle himself but he had Tracie and Deij to look after. Tracie, for her part, stared blankly at the blonde for a moment before finally commenting that the odds were against her. "He is shy and you have ADHD. Things like that make for ugly babies. Isn't that right Dan?"

The dragon boy cocked his head to one side and snorted before resuming his thoughtful gazing.

"DAMN!" Deidra cursed, shaking her fist at Fabio since he was the closest. "I hate babies! Especially ugly babies! I saw this one baby one time—it was my cousin—and it was just like… MOTHER NATURE MESSED UP! But I understand that she's busy with trees and what not. Flowers too. I like sunflowers personally, but I'm game for daisies too. You think Neville would ever give me daisies? I wonder if he's kept daises in his house before. I mean his gran's house—that's what he calls her, y'know, GRAN—but yeah that'd be nice."

Tracie was now mimicking Dan and gazing ahead. Her thoughts, however, were not on flying over the treetops to the castle but on Professor Snape. She'd always been attracted to him although she rarely admitted it regardless. She usually just passed it off as adulation and respect for his wisdom and life experience. It took a lot of gumph to be a potions master! People just didn't seem to understand the danger and complexity or potions. Oh how sexy potions were… Sometimes when she pictured the man, always shirtless for some reason, his long, beaky nose and sickly pale skin… Black shark eyes and angry lips….

She spasmed a little, accidentally kicking Dan in the knee who, surprised, punched Deidra in the face.

The three quickly shook it off and resumed their previous activities: gazing idly and, in one case, babbling.

At one end of the carriage, Professor McGonagall had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. Deidra, as peculiar, absent, and ditsy as she was, happened to be a special student of the woman who had agreed three years earlier to teach her the art of becoming an Animagus. Oddly enough, the girl had been quite good at it but it always seemed like she had some sort of hidden motive that drove her in her efforts. Just what it could possibly be, Minerva McGonagall had no idea but surely it was harmless. The girl was random but not harmful… At least not on purpose and she transformed into a CAT which wasn't going to do too much damage. Truthfully, though, the woman had only really decided to take her under her wing because the girl had asked to be a tabby cat which she herself was.

Deidra knew how to flatter people when it was necessary.

Dinner in the Great Hall went as smoothly as it ever had. Everyone ate and laughed in merriment, Tracie stared attentively at Professor Snape, Dan flicked food at Ron Weasley, and Deidra continuously checked to see if there was room to sit next to Neville. By the time they'd gone up to the highest tower, for this was where the special children were housed, the three of them felt almost completely adjusted and they retired for the night in decently good spirits.

"Hey Tracie!" Deidra asked as they lay in their beds.

"Yes?"  
"Can you sleep?"

"Not yet."

"Snape's penis."

"….."

A heavy thud on the floor by the other bed followed by the sounds of writhing made Deidra smile and drift off to sleep happily.

Ah friendship….


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

WIN

DAN  
Dan was always the first one to wake up. He was the only male student at Hogwarts who was allowed to share a room with not one but two female students. Seeing as he was a dragon and they were humans no one should have a problem with it. In actuality there was only one room at the top of the tower. The teachers figured it was worth the risk in order to keep him away from the rest of the Ravenclaws. Besides even Dumbledore figured there was no way these three would do anything naughty.  
It was true that they hadn't done anything but the three of them had talked about it on several occasions. One night during the previous year they had all three decided that they needed practice kissing. Huddled together on one bed they sat in silence waiting for one to kiss the other. Slowly Dan turned towards Tracie and with a loving growl leaned in to kiss her. Tracie's reaction was not what he expected. She started to seizure. Even she didn't understand why. She was sure she only had feelings for Snape. Somehow the thought of kissing her friend had still sparked enough emotion in her.  
Dan feeling somewhat disappointed turned away from his seizing friend and went to kiss Deidra instead. She wasn't even there any more! Now she was across the room drawing concentric circles with chalk all over the wall. Dan huffed a little and then remember that he was saving his first kiss for Hermione anyways. He curled up into a ball next to Tracie's knowing that as soon as she was done with her spasm she would kick him off her bed. Dumbledore would never know these times when the three of them had come close to doing things forbidden at Hogwarts.  
After waking up Dan would go about his early morning routine. This was one of the few times he could practice spells without anyone seeing him translate the spell into dragon speak. He didn't like keeping secrets from Deij but he knew she would give him away on accident. It would just take a single slip of the tongue and then everyone would know he wasn't a dragon. Tracie knew but they had an understanding between each other. She wouldn't tell on him as long as he pretty much did anything she wanted him to do. Luckily she hardly ever had any requests for him. Usually he just had to taste her potions which so far had not killed him.  
After translating spells Dan usually fell back asleep until Deij's morning singing woke him back up.  
"It's time for breakfast! Breakfast with Neville! Hey Tracie what rhymes with Neville?" Deij said as she jumped around on her bed.  
"I don't know what?" Tracie said as she rolled out of bed.  
"I don't know either. I was hoping you could think of something. Hey DAN! Wake up I need to ask you something!" Deij yelled as she hopped down next to him.  
"I though I slept in. If you keep sleeping so much Dan your gonna start missing breakfast. Then you wont get to see Hermione." Tracie said teasing him.  
"Grrr." Dan growled sadly. Then he flew out of bed and threw his stuff together. Some how he was always the first one ready to leave for breakfast.  
Once they all arrived at the great hall they usually split up for breakfast. Dan would attempt to eat with Hermione, Deij would find Neville and Tracie would sit with her house. This morning Dan was surprised to find Hermione eating alone. He headed straight over and sat right next to her then rubbed his head against her shoulder. As she always did she put her arm around him and squeezed him close.  
"Dan I am so glad you made it to school! I heard about the demetor attack and was so worried." Hermione said with relief.  
Dan growled with a huge smile.  
"I also have to ask you a huge favor. It's really a favor for Harry but seeing as he is also one of my best friends in a way it's a favor for me as well."  
Dan looked puzzled.  
"You like Harry right? He's always been nice to you."  
Nodding his head in agreement Dan took a bite out of a sausage as he thought about Harry. He hadn't really spent much time with Harry but he couldn't think of anything bad. If it had been a favor for that bastard Ron he wouldn't have done it no matter what.  
"Good then here is what we would like you to do for us. In the Ravenclaw wing there is a library. In the library there is a restricted section and inside that restricted section is a special book harry and I need. It's a book called 'Rowena's thoughts on forbidden magic'. We would get it our self's but it's almost impossible for non Ravenclaw students to get in there.  
"Growl." Dan answered.  
"Trust me we tried to get in."  
"Grrr. gr. Grrrrrrrrr."  
"Well I am one of the brightest witches of my time..." Hermione laughed." but I still couldn't out smart that cursed Ravenclaw door. I answered so many riddles correctly but it still knew I was not entering the right house. Slytherin was so much easier to enter." Hermione now looked angry and ashamed. Before Dan could respond Ron sat across the table from them.  
"I see your keeping the stray company." Ron scowled at Dan.  
"Seriously RON! It's too early for this." Hermione huffed.  
"If it's not too early for you to cozy up to that imitation dragon then it's..." Before Ron could Finish Dan had already jumped across the table and had his claws ripping into Ron's chest. Ron fought back and punched Dan in the side of the head, then kicked him off.  
Dan scrambled up for a second assault. Instead he found himself frozen in place by McGonagall's spell.  
"Mr. Weasley, Mr. Bedeaux, I'll see you both in my office immediately." McGonagall unfroze them and stormed off to her office.  
As Dan, Ron and McGonagall were heading down the hallway they saw Deidra go running by. Curiosity peaked in all three of them and they hurried after her. At the end of the next hallway they found her in the corner staring at something on the ground. A closer inspection revealed a Rat that was scared to death.  
"Ms. Hill What in the world are you doing chasing that rat?" McGonagall asked.  
"Oh it's not a rat, It's Neville!" Deij said as she grabbed the rat up and went to turn away.  
"Oh dear!" McGonagall cast an unknown spell on the rat and it turned into Neville again, whom seemed very alarmed and confused.  
"I can explain..." Deij said in her defense.  
"Well you can do it in my office! Ms. Hill, Mr. Longbottom my office immediately." McGonagall continued on with the now four students in tow. Upon entering her personal office everyone was surprised to see Tracie already sitting on a chair waiting inside.  
"Ms. Brazie might I ask what brings you here? I am quite busy so make it fast."  
"Professor Snape sent me here for staring at him during breakfast. He said he hoped you could help me reflect on my actions." Tracie replied.  
"It is way to early to deal with all of this so I am going to make this quick. Ms. Brazie stop staring at Snape, I know he has a certain charm to him, but they do say you can have too much of a good thing. I'm taking fifty points from Slytherin, so either you will stop staring at Snape or Snape will stop sending you to me for punishment so that his house doesn't lose any points." She waved Tracie out of her office.  
"Deidra, I don't care how you turned Neville into a rat. From now on don't do it at breakfast. Neville you are very helpful in this young witches education, remember that the next time you let her cast a spell on you. I'm taking ten points from Gryphindor. Please go back and behave."  
"As for you Mr. Weasley and Mr. Bedeaux why are we fighting on the first day of classes? Please don't tell me this has anything to do with ms Granger!" McGonagall said. Before either of them could respond she continued. "Actually never mind I don't want to know. I am sick of the constant bickering and fighting between you two. I could remove points from both your house but I don't think that will fix the issue. Instead I am going to make the two of you serve community service together until you either learn to get along or the school year ends. Report back here this afternoon and I'll tell you what you'll be doing." McGonagall looked to some papers on her desk as the boy and dragon left her office. Ron ran off back to the great hall. Dan was surprised to find Tracie and Deij waiting for him.  
"I hope you'll tell me all about that later, right now I have to catch the other rats I made. Will you please help me Dan." Deij started hoping down the hall. When Dan was sure that no one else was around he leaned over and whispered into Tracies's ear.  
"We have a quest! I'll tell you about it later tonight." Dan said and then went to help Deij.  
Tracie smiled slightly, She liked quests almost enough to cause a seizure, but not quite enough.

TRACIE

Tracie's small smile quickly faded as minutes of rat hunting turned to hours, hours in which she was left alone to do her own thing whilst the other two ran about trying to fix the havoc they wreaked at every turn. And of course, leaving Tracie alone to do whatever she so pleased often turned into a bad thing, especially when she found herself aimlessly wandering the dungeons just outside of Snape's office, where she now stood staring at the door.  
She knew her obsession with the tall and dark potion's master was completely illogical and full of emotions—the thought of which made her shudder, though she was good enough at ignoring said emotions that she kept from seizuring right at that moment—but no matter how hard she tried to deny herself the obsession, the harder she felt the obsession. And said obsession kept nagging her to open the door and see if said potion's master was inside. The urge finally gave way to action and she opened the door, finding no one inside.  
But sitting neatly on his desk was a tea cup; black with the Slytherin emblem and a small chip in the handle.  
She would have sighed, should she let herself escape into feeling, as her mind instantly compared the dark and scarred cup to the poor victim of her obsession. But seeing as emotion was completely illogical and led to certain uncontrollable convulsions, she decided instead that she would just steal that beautiful cup, and so took a step inside and stretched out a hand.  
And fell to the ground in a seizure as she realized it was Snape's cup she was stealing and his lips had inevitably been on it as his fingers wrapped their way around the handle.  
The door connecting the office to Professor Snape's classroom opened as the man emerged to retrieve some herbs for his upcoming class. His gaze fell onto the seizuring girl and he straightened before rolling his eyes. "Bloody hell…" he muttered. He crossed his arms and waited for her convulsions to stop and was moments from lecturing her when something small and hairy ran over the girl's body and underneath him. Some minute scratching sounds could be heard on his cupboards and he turned at the sound of a screeching noise. He came eye-to-eye with a rat, a white one nonetheless that seemed slightly too large to be a normal rat.  
"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I FOUND DRACO RAT!" Deidra shouted. Snape quickly whirled around, knowing that if Deidra was shouting something about a 'Draco rat' as he stared at an abnormal white rat, that something very wrong happened and something even worse was about to happen, and inevitably it did. "GO GET IT, DRAGON DAN!"  
Dan charged through the doorway of the office, narrowly missing trampling Tracie as she attempted to pick herself up from the floor, and launched himself into the air at the rat, seeming to not take into consideration that Snape was standing between him and said target. And so Dan went crashing down into Snape, sending them both into the cupboards—effectively shattering any containers on the shelves and cracking almost all of them—and sending Draco into the air.  
Deidra jumped into the air and landed on the desk, grasping the rat in her hand and, amazingly, not killing it as she did so. "Aw yeah!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air and, in the excitement of her epic success, tossed the rat into the air, which managed to land gracefully on the floor and scurry off in terror. "Aw fuck…" She turned as the rat ran out of the room before looking down to Tracie, who propped herself up from the table and stared up at the girl.  
The two stared at each other a moment, Deidra merely staring and Tracie trying to figure out how her attempt at stealing a tea cup led to this, before Deidra pointed to the door. "DAN, AFTER THE RAT!" she exclaimed before running out the door. Tracie watched, suddenly noticing a red, Gryffindor blanket tied around the girl's neck in a mock cape, before looking to Dan and Snape, who seemed to take the brunt of damage from the fall.  
Dan let out a snarl of determination before running out of the room and down the hallway. "Professor are you ok?" Tracie shrieked before falling into a fit of uncontrollable flailings on the floor.  
Snape managed to pull himself to his feet and sighed, mentally checking over himself to ensure nothing was broken or bleeding. "I need a year off…" he muttered.

DEIDRA

And thus, the first week of school passed by without incident. Don't we love Hogwarts?  
Yes. Yes we do.  
"Neville! Wait, wait, wait, Neville…!" Deidra said jogging to catch up with the timid lad who, seeing her coming, immediately took up the petrified expression he'd become so good at. When she finally caught up to him, she took a couple moments to pant and wheeze before snapping up straight and looking him in the eye. "Um… You lost Trevor again…" She handed him the frog, who like him, looked petrified but miraculously unharmed. "You have a hard time keeping track of him huh?"  
Neville, blushing slightly from the unusually reason for her attention, smiled crookedly and took the frog from her "Thank you. How's your day then?"  
Beaming at his curiosity, she actually forgot about the squirrel running above their heads on a tree branch. "OH it's—I'm-I'm awesome!" She said. "But! Noo… dammit I'm not awesome! I um… need to…. Need toooooo…." She seemed to be trying hard to remember something before finally she seemed to get it and continued "I need to apologize to you!"  
"Oh…?" He said, surprised. "Ab-bout what…?" He asked even though he could think of a hundred occurrences off the top of his head.  
"Turning you into a rat. I think I should ask you next time."  
"Oh!" He said. "Yeah or… you know, just not do it…"  
"Okay." She said. "I was thinking you know about… All kinds of stuff but one of the things was you and how I am to you… I wanna try and um…" She thought again before grasping it and saying "harass you a little less. I know you've put up with me sitting next to you all these years but I'll leave you alone a little more okay?"  
He was genuinely confused by this. She didn't seem to be hurt by the notion as though she just wanted what was best for him and that was enough to make her happy. "You… You what?"  
"I'm gonna leave you alone!" She smiled. "So you can focus on other stuff and not have to worry about me so much."  
"I don't know if that's such a good ide—"  
"OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!" She said finally, pointing her wand at it and waving it in a bizarre circular motion before, not the squirrel but Draco Malfoy, fell out of the tree.  
The blonde boy stood up, miraculously not saying a word but rather turning at once and attempting to climb the tree again in a state of flight but Deidra waved her wand a second time. He floated over to her –students were now gathering to watch this- and as she set him down on the ground in front of her, she patted his head gently and made little clicking and chittering noises at him.  
Seeming to understand, he stood upright and walked passed her, out of the courtyard and into the hallway, scratching his head and saying nothing as he made his way along.  
Neville was flabbergasted. "What did you DO to him?"  
"Oh that's actually just a squirrel." The girl said. "But I like him much better than Malfoy. Maybe he'll be more pleasant to be around."

"Professor, I'm sor—"  
Snape, head on his desk and hands on his head, groaned helplessly. "PLEASE." He said. "Just leave me in PEACE!"  
Tracie's expression, however, did not falter. "But Professor I can't leave until you accept my apology."  
One of the man's hands slid off of his head and thudded onto the wooden desk. "Go away… I don't want to see you until I have to."  
"Professor, you must know how damaging it is to me for you to say such things. You've already mentally damaged nearly every student you've had so please just accept my apology. If you don't, I'll be up all night thinking about you. In your bed. Sleeping. So quiet and relaxed…."  
He lifted his rogue hand to stop her. "Ms. Brazie, I am in my right to dismiss you. I have to oblige if you have a QUESTION—"  
"Will you accept my apology?"  
"That doesn't count— but the point is, you could get in trouble for bombarding me like this. I would do it myself but I'm at a loss. I can't give you detention because you seem to like it so much and McGonagall's only free so many nights….. Just get out."  
"I must insist professor, that you accept my apology—"  
"ALRIGHT FINE! I accept. NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"  
Tracie smiled. "Thank you, you're very kind." She then laid down and began to spasm.  
Rolling his eyes, Snape stood up from his desk, walked around to wear the girl was seizuring and picked her up in his arms before kicking open the heavy wooden door leading to the outside of his classroom, and laying her there before slamming it shut again.  
She spasmed for a good four more minutes than usual.

"Are you certain you're alright doing this Dan?"  
"Rrr…" Dan growled gently as he and Hermione made their way to the library that night in order to fetch the book she needed from the Restricted section.  
Upon request, Hermione had asked both Ron and Harry to stay behind tonight since it was a simple task and Ron and Dan were likely to kill each other before it was even put into motion. "Thank you. You're very kind for doing this. I feel rather terrible about asking it of you but it's very important to us you see."  
Dan rolled his eyes, unnoticed by her. He didn't care much about the book; in fact he didn't care at all. He was just happy that Hermione was spending time with him.  
They made their way quietly down the center isle of the Ravenclaw's wing of the library before finally reaching the end where the restriction section had been placed. The door was very thin and delicate looking but it was obvious that one could not fool it. Rowena Ravenclaw had made it herself.  
Dan scratched the surface gently and waited for the three required riddles.  
THIS SEGMENT WILL INVOLVE TRANSLATION  
In a cool voice the door said  
1.) If I tell you "Everything I tell you is a lie", am I telling the truth or a lie?  
-Grree grreeraaah greeaaaghh grrrr rrrrrraghr hheee grraeh.  
-A lie. It can't be true without contradicting itself and therefore being a lie.  
2.) What work can a painter never quite finish?  
-Grrrahhhggghhh hearrgghh grr.  
-Their autobiography.  
3.) What becomes only wetter the more it dries?  
-Grrrahgh.  
-A towel.  
END TRANSLATION SEQUENCE  
Hermione was so impressed by this, that she felt her heart pounding rather fast. "Dan…? You speak DRAGON?"  
He perked an eyebrow at her almost sarcastically.  
"Oh— n-no I just mean…! The door understood you as though you were speaking English!" She didn't want him to know that she honestly never thought he could actually speak the language.  
He plopped down on the floor for a moment before reaching up with a hind leg and scratching his ear in a bizarrely flexible manner.  
"Oh never mind… thank you Dan." She walked timidly into the Restricted Section looking very small as she passed under the door as though it might attack her.  
Dan was about to follow her in when he heard a "Hermione!" whispered rather loudly from a couple isles over in the regular library. "Grrr….!" He growled recognizing the voice of his nemesis easily.  
Hermione's head popped back out of the doorway. "Ron…!" She gritted her teeth and whispered loudly back. "Go back to the dorm!"  
But he was already at the other end of the center isle looking down at them. He began to stride forward and Hermione rolled her eyes.  
Dan stood next to her in the doorway and waited.  
As Ron finally reached doorway, Dan stuck a foot out, tripped him and then quickly closed the door in his face.  
WIN.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

SEX BEFORE DEATH

DAN

Dan turned around from the door a scrambled to catch up with Hermione. He was kinda glad she hadn't noticed him trip Ron. He didn't want to get on her bad side especially now that they were dating. Dan thought about this for a moment. He was pretty sure that if a girl invited you to a library it counted as a date no matter the circumstances. Dan smiled at this revelation right as Hermione turned to see if he was following.  
"Why are you smiling, this is serious business you know." Hermione said.  
"Gerp." Dan said and stopped smiling. After looking down several isles of books they found the right sections. The bookcase towered above them and only so many rows were within their reach.  
"I don't see it down here Dan, it must be above us. Let's get a ladder over here." Hermione suggested.  
"Grrr..." Dan shook his head no.  
"Why can't we use the ladder?"  
"Grp. Prrrr. Trepkor!"  
"The ladders have traps on them to prevent intruders from searching the books. Any idea how to check higher up." Hermione sighed.  
Dan pointed at her and then at his shoulders. She smiled and come closer to him. Dan crouched lower to the ground and let Hermione climb onto his shoulders. Standing up straight they could now reach all but the highest shelve. Hermione frantically checked all the books she could and then would tap Dan on the head to let him know when to move over a bit.  
"Found it!" Hermione yelled excitedly and with so much energy that it caused Dan to lose his balance and they both came crashing to the ground along with several rows of books. The noise was loud and they both sat there barely breathing waiting to see if someone had heard them. After a few moments Hermione finally got off of Dan and started rummaging through the books. "I dropped the book when I fell, help me look for it."  
Dan not having any idea what the book looked like just read the titles hoping to find the right book. One of them caught his eye. It wasn't the book they he was looking for but it was written by one of the schools teachers. He handed the book to Hermione.  
"Ms. Minerva McGonagall's Tips on Magical Merry Making. I didn't know she was an author, I wonder what this is about." Hermione said as she and Dan leaned back against the bookcase next to each other and opened the book. The first page showed a winking Wizard on it. The next page made them go speechless. Two naked wizards were participating in some very adult behavior while floating in the air.  
"Grrr." Dan said and leaned closer to Hermione.  
"Even if I wanted to do something like that with you we simply couldn't. You're a Dragon and I'm a human it just wouldn't work. I mean do you even have one of those things he's putting inside of her?" Hermione asked.  
Dan sighed and started to undo his pants. Hermione's face went bright red but her curiosity stopped her from saying no. Just as Dan was about to drop his trousers there was a loud noise that came from behind him. He turned to see a black wispy thing appearing behind him. He crouched into attack formation.  
Deidra appeared before Him and Hermione.  
"Did you just apparate? Never mind how you learned to do that but how did you do it inside of school grounds?" Hermione asked shocked.  
"I just kinda made it up as I went. I really needed to find Dan so I made a spell that would bring me to him. It took me a few tries cause I kept apparating next to Neville while he was sleeping. He looks so cute when he sleeps, his snore kinda turns me on..."  
"Drrr Grap?" Dan asked.  
"Oh sorry got side track. There is an emergency! I don't know where Tracie is. She never came back to the tower. I looked all over and even woke Snape up. He hadn't seen her and didn't care. So I needed to find you so you could use your dragon nose to try and smell her out." Deidra said at about ninety miles an hours.  
"R trrr hry!" Dan said with a glare.  
"I know you're not a bloodhound but Dragons still have better smell then humans right?"  
Dan sighed and nodded a reluctant yes.  
"So you'll help me find her right?"  
"Why didn't you just apparate to her like you did Dan" Hermione asked.  
"I tried but I keep hitting a wall and being sent right back where I was. It's as if someone is guarding her. I think she was kidnapped by someone!" Deidra said about to cry.  
"GRRRR!" Dan said loudly and hurried over to Deidra.  
"Just grab on and I can apparate us both out of here." Deidra said as Dan wrapped his arms around her. Immediately they both disappeared from the library.  
"I wanted to go too! And thanks for leaving me to find the book alone." Hermione yelled before starting to rummage through the books again. Finally she found the book for Harry and shoved it into her back. After looking around the room she also picked up the Magical Merrymaking book and took it as well.

Tracie woke up in complete darkness. The last thing she could remember was spasming because of professor Snape. Now she was alone in the dark on a cold stone floor. She sat up trying to gain her bearings.  
"Lumos." she said as she pulled out her wand and it lit up the small room she was in. there were no windows and a single door. She walked over to the door and found that it was locked. She knocked on the door and no one answered. Then she started to use all the spells she could think of to open the door but none of them worked. Someone had used magic to keep her in here. What if Snape finally kidnapped me and is holding hostage! Tracie thought and almost fell to the floor in a second round of spasms.  
"I'm gonna have to keep my thoughts under control." She said to herself. She placed her ear up to the door to see if she could hear anything. Nothing, everything was silent on the other side. Giving up she went and sat against the door in the dark. After a few hours she was about to fall asleep when the door flew open. The Dark lord entered the room, or at least that's who she thought he must be. She had never really paid attention to Harry Potters stories.  
"Good you are still awake." The dark figure said. His voice sounded kinda like Draco's.  
"I couldn't sleep cause I was excited that someone finally kidnapped me." Tracie said.  
"What... never mind! The Dark lord has a job for you and if you don't do it he will kill your friends."  
"Ok what is it."  
"If you don't follow his bidding he will tear the flesh off their bones!"  
"Oh maybe I shouldn't help the Dark lord."  
"What you would let your friends die?' The Draco sounding person said.  
"It depends on if what the Dark lord wants is more interesting than seeing all that blood!"  
"I thought I was disturbing."  
"Listen if you don't tell me what the Dark lord wants I'm going to tear your flesh off." Tracie yelled.  
"I'm sorry... I'll tell you what you want to know." The voice said as it backed up to the wall.  
"Speak up then worm!"  
"He wants you to place a magical device that will destroy the school in the dungeon."  
"Oh that sounds fun. Oh but will that kill Snape?" Tracie starting to feel worried.  
"I don't know... Look I told you what you wanted to know can I go now?" The Quasi-Draco said.  
"Yes be gone before I kill you!"  
The man ran from the room. Tracie slowly walked out of the room and down the hall looking for a way out. As she searched she realized she didn't have the item to place in the dungeon. Oh well maybe it would arrive by owl.

TRACIE  
Tracie continued down the hall, rather surprised at the lack of security and even more surprised that, the few people she did run in to, never had the upper hand. She shrugged it off, figuring the Dark Lord probably didn't see much need to give high security to a Hogwart's student. His problem, not hers. So she just continued on her way until she was out, at which point she stumbled over someone on the ground and fell face first into the dirt. "There she is! I knew you could find her!" Deidra shouted. Tracie rolled onto her back and glared at the boy sniffing the ground. He straightened up and dusted himself off.  
"Grrrrr… gragh, grr, grr…" he remarked.  
"Look squirrel!" Deidra interrupted before hopping off. Tracie stood up and watched Deij chase the squirrel.  
"She should be careful or she's just going to be a smear of blood," she muttered.  
"WAIT!" she heard Deij shout, and then was suddenly grabbed. There was a loud bang and then they appeared in the dungeons of Hogwarts. Tracie blinked, as did the unsuspecting Professor Snape, who instantly glared when he decided questioning things wasn't a good idea.  
"I think I'm supposed to kill you," Tracie stated with a small tilt of her head. Snape arched a brow at her before looking to the other two.  
"100 points from Gryffindor for finding a way to break the apparition barrier, 50 more for being out of bed late at night," Snape remarked, his attention turning solely to Dan. "And 150 from Ravenclaw."  
Dan's eyes narrowed at the Professor. "GrrrrrAGHrrrrr," he responded.

Deidra pouted. "You're so mean…" she remarked before extending her hands out. "You need a hug!" Snape immediately looked horrified and pushed open the door to his office.  
"In, now," he remarked, pointing to Tracie who slipped inside, followed closely behind by Snape. She resisted her growing need to spasm as Snape locked the door behind him, not wanting the insane blonde girl to give him a hug. He stopped next to Tracie and studied her a moment. "What's this about killing me?" he asked.  
She shrugged nonchalantly. "Just something the Dark Lord said. Put something in the dungeons and sit back and he won't kill Deidra and Dan." Snape paused, knowing that his urge to tell her not to do it so those two could die was the wrong thing. Then again, if he let her do it, at least he wouldn't have to worry about her stalking him from now on. "I was disappointed… I had hoped you kidnapped me finally…" she muttered, shuddering a bit at the thought but managing to not spasm.  
Snape studied her, his nose crinkling some in disgust. "I only deal with you as I have to, I'd rather be nowhere near you."  
Tracie smirked. "But I refuse to leave now," she stated. He arched a brow at her, an idea suddenly striking him, and then he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before. Slowly, he leaned closer to her, his lips nearly brushing hers. She instantly fell into spasms worse than she'd ever had before, leaving Snape to smirk and toss her into the hallway, locking the door to his office behind him once again as he retreated back inside.

DEIDRA

"That was SOME night, HUH?"

Dan opened his eyes wide and stared.

Deidra was lying in front of him, her mouth agape with sheer glee. He wasn't really sure why she was in his bed and he looked down between the two of them to double check that they were both clothed.

All clear, thank Merlin. "Gragh?" He finally asked inquiringly.

"I dunno." Deige said. "But LISTEN! I think Tracie's supposed to hide something in the dungeons for Lord Moldywart! What a terribly name that is… MOLDY wart. Seriously, that would SUCK! And speaking of sucking, I think I know what the item is! It's one of those boring ass Ravenclaw library books that you and Hermione found!"

Dan's eyebrows shot up. "WWHHH—!" He almost spoke in English. "GRRRGGHGH?"

"Oh I saw Hermione holding it before I interrupted your sexy time. I'm sorry by the way! But anyway, that book has definitely got to be it."

Dan blinked curiously and the girl continued. "I was fidgeting around with my wand last night—" She stopped to let out a quick laugh. "And I infiltrated Tracie's thoughts! I usually don't because I don't like seeing Snape in the nude but I checked it out anyway and instead she was thinking about lord Moldywart! He must be the one who kidnapped her! I'm hungry…. OH! And he wants her to place something in the dungeons. Something that will destroy Hogwarts!"

There was a meaningful pause between them before Deige finally concluded. "If we let Hogwarts get destroyed I won't be able to watch Neville sleep! Or straddle him when he's really out of things… Or actually tap him one day!" She sat up and grabbed Dan by the shoulders, shaking him. "I NEED TO TAP NEVILLE BEFORE WE ALL DIE!"

That was some libido.

Dan merely nodded his head in definitely understanding. He didn't have anything to say but he knew that the blonde was right. She'd only gotten off topic like twice! This was certainly serious for her to be so perceptive and attentive. Besides…. She was right! If Hogwarts was destroyed, he too, would never get laid!

He stood up quickly as that last realization hit him and he and the spastic blonde girl locked arms in a common purpose. "GRAGH!" He roared.

"Hell fucking yes my friend!" Deidra yelled back. The two of attempted to high five clumsily, smacking each other on the shoulder or in the face, before racing from the room with much apparent purpose for Tracie had already left. It was only the morning but they had to make sure that they got to the book first and found a way to stop their friend from going through with her heinous deed.

Just why "Ms. Minerva McGonagall's Tips on Magical Merry Making" was the source of their search was beyond Dan but he chose to trust Deidra having no idea what other objects could possibly destroy Hogwarts.

"Professor?"

Snape's eye was twitching on its own now. He was finally at the point. "Go away!" He cried. "I'm not going to do it again. I knew I was digging myself a hole with that one but I was truly desperate to be rid of you."

"That's actually not why I'm here." Tracie said, completely unbothered by the loathsome display as usual. "I actually have a small favor to ask of you."

"…" Snape squinted his black eyes suspiciously. "And what, pray tell, might that be Miss Brazie?"

"I need you to help me figure out an object that will most effectively destroy Hogwarts."

Snape was a little surprised by this but not terribly so. "Again, pray tell, why?"

"I wouldn't tell this to anyone but you Professor, but the Dark Lord has asked it of me."

Snape stiffened a little. "Why would you tell this only to me?" There was no way he was that obvious!

"You're quite obviously associated with him sir. I'm just say'n…"

Snape rolled his eyes and tried to maintain control over what little patience he had ever had within him. "Miss Brazie, do you honestly expect me to believe this story? It is painfully ridiculous."

"Professor, you know what I say is true."

"Why would I help you? So I'll be out of a job?'

Tracie sighed. "I am going to be placing something here in the dungeons when I find it. I suppose you really won't help me but I will be thinking fondly of you and I look forward to hopefully fumbling into your chamber as I am going about my business."

"This is sexual harassment. I'm quite sure of it now."

Tracie surprised him very much by smiling pleasantly at this. "Yes, but I highly doubt that you don't enjoy the attention. You spend far too much time on your own for a normal human being and I'm sure that sort of angsty depression would carry over quite nicely into the bedroom. All that pent up energy and lust…"

"OUT."

"Yes sir."

Tracie left through the doors, pondering fervently what on earth would most effectively demolish Hogwarts and, if she was successful, how she would go about finally taking Snape's long-awaiting virginity. He had to be in his forties. That was just sad.

Yes, it would certainly have to happen before they all died. Naturally, she could find a way of evacuating the school first; an anonymous tip off to the head master or perhaps an alarm sending everyone outside… But that would surely be no fun.

Dan and Deidra had reached the Great Hall by this time and were looking around frantically for Hermione but alas, there was no sign of her yet. It was still a tad early considering that they were usually a bit late. They would have to go the Gryffindor Common Room and talk to her immediately!


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

THE SEED

DAN  
Having no idea where to look or what to even look for Tracie headed to her best thinking place. The Quidditch stadium was her favorite place to think. She didn't come here when Quidditch matches were going on. Instead she preferred to come on the off days. On the days when there weren't any matches and nobody was practices the court was used for something much more exciting: Broom racing.  
A track of magical lights created the oval in the sky around the court. Tracie just loved watching the racers fly around this track at speeds in excess of a hundred and fifty miles an hour. She didn't come to watch the drivers themselves, though some of them weren't bad looking. She came to watch the brooms. Most of them modified Firebolts, or the rare and classical Nimbus. These brooms were modified by magic to improve speed and maneuvering. Some drivers would even shave layers of wood off their brooms to make them lighter.  
All of them were repainted in red's, blue's and yellows. The only color that was rare to see was black. Most racers thought it was bad luck to race with the color of the dark lord. Tracie knew her broom would be black as soon as she could afford one. For the last four years she had been working summer jobs in order to save up for a good racing broom. Not having a racing broom wasn't her only problem. In order to race a student had to have a teacher sponsor them. She only wanted one sponsor and that was Snape.  
Snape had never sponsored a racer the entire time he had been at Hogwarts. The rumor around the school was that he had been in a tragic racing accident when he was a student. He would never speak of it and neither would anyone that knew him. Tracie knew she could never get him to sponsor her. Dan had offered to get a Ravenclaw teacher to sponsor her but she said no. It would be Snape or no one she thought.  
She sat watching the races and trying to imagine what this device could possible be. Looking around the stadium someone caught her eye and gave her an idea. A few benches down and over to her right was Hermione Granger. She rarely if ever talked to or acknowledged the smart girl aside from teasing Dan. Today she decided to talk to Hermione and see how smart she really was. Tracie got up walked over and sat down right next to the brilliant witch.  
"Tracie right?" Hermione said with a dumbfounded look on her face.  
"Wow, you remember my name." Tracie said slightly surprised since she did her best to be as unknown as possible.  
"Of course, your one of Dan's best friends. Did he send you for some reason?" Hermione looked embarrassed.  
"Why are you turning red? I thought he was lying when he said you two were dating?" Tracie said.  
Turning bright red Hermione burst out "He said what! No of course we aren't dating. And I am red because the humidity and wind chill factor affect the pores on my skin causing..." Tracie just waited for the witch to finish her excuses not really caring anyways. Though she didn't really want Dan to date Hermione. She own that dragon boy and didn't really want someone else to take that away from her.  
"I didn't come here to talk to you about Dan, I came here because I need someone smart to help me. I know that someone is going to place something dangerous in the dungeon. Something so dangerous that it might destroy the school. I learned that the item might already be on school grounds but I don't know what it is. I need your help figuring out what it could be. Can you do that?" Tracie asked.  
"Oh dear, we should tell Harry!" Hermione went to stand up.  
"We can't go to him without more proof, besides you know he's really busy. Besides I bet you could handle this one by yourself." Tracie said trying to think of a way to trick the girl into doing this for herself.  
"Your right he is busy, and it wouldn't hurt to do some research first. Come on let's go to my room." Hermione put the book she had been reading in her bag and stood up. Tracie couldn't help but noticed that the book was called Magical Merrymaking. What an odd book title she thought but chose to silently follow Hermione rather than bother asking. She had more important things to do.

Dan and Deidra races up the stair to Gryffindor common room. As they were approaching they saw Hermione entering the door. She wasn't alone. Tracie was with her. Dan and Deidra both looked confused and stopped in their tracks. By the time they had regained their thoughts their target was already through the door. Quickly they followed and entered the common room.  
Neither Hermione or Tracie could be seen anywhere. There were a few other students loitering about including Neville.  
"Where is Hermione?" Deidra asked a frightened looking Neville.  
"She.. I believe she just went up to her room." Neville replied. Deidra didn't want to leave Neville behind but she just knew this was more important. In fact it may have been the most important thing she would ever do. She was determined to stay focused no matter what. Her and Dan turned and made for the stairs to the female Gryffindor dorms. Before they reached the stairs Someone blocked the path.  
"Bloody Hell, You really though you could just waltz right up to the girls dorm?" Ron said with a smirk and his wand in hand.  
"Graog ratgar." Dan growled angrily.  
"Well I can still go up there right." Deidra said thinking of a new option.  
"Actually I don't want you up there either, Guilty by asso...associating. Anyways your dorm is elsewhere." Ron said feeling proud of his response.  
"Well you can't stop both of us." Deidra said. Dan growled again.  
"But I can! And I agree with Ron on this one." Harry said and for the first time ever Dan felt a bit of hatred for the boy. Deidra not wanting to fight harry grabbed Dan by the arm and walked away.  
"Sorry we will just wait for her elsewhere. Please tell her we stopped by." Deidra said and winked at Dan. He knew she had a something crazy planned that he couldn't even imagine. She led Dan back over to Neville.  
"Gug." Dan sighed.  
"Neville you want to be helpful to my education right?" Deidra asked ash she pulled out her wand.  
"Not again." Was all he managed before she finished casting her spell. Neville started to violently shake and then he exploded. Not into a bloody mess but rather into a thousand little one inch Neville's. They flew everywhere and were biting and chewing on everything but Deidra and Dan.  
"Don't let go of my hand Dan, I am protected from the spell and you will be to as long as you hold on." Deidra said as they ran past the now distracted Ron and Harry and then up the stairs. Halfway up the spiral stair Deidra turned around and cast a second spell. The stair well below filled with a substance that looked oddly like Jell-O. Dan really wanted to lick it but was yanked away before he could try. Moments later they burst into Hermione's room and scaring her halfway to death. Tracie's expression remained as usual.  
"We need the book Hermione!" Deidra screamed.  
"What book!" Hermione said jumping on her bed.  
"The book you found with Dan! Don't let Tracie have the book. She will use it to destroy Hogwarts." Deidra said.  
"Garrrrr..." Down growled and looked at Tracie to see if it was true.  
"I didn't know it was a book. And don't worry I would have probably evacuated the school first." Tracie said with a smirk.  
"I knew it!" Deidra said.  
"Gggggrrr." Dan growled in a sad fashion.  
"This is ridiculous! She wouldn't destroy the school." Hermione said.  
"She just admitted it." Deidra said in protest.  
"Deij is right I would." Tracie added.  
"No, she couldn't because the book doesn't work that way." Hermione said sitting down and opening the book to show them a few pages that didn't have drawings on it. Everyone crowded around her.  
"What does it do then?" Tracie asked.  
"Well it teaches you very powerful love spells, however they require two wizards and... Well they also require lot's of... Oh do I really have to say it?" Hermione, very embarrassed looked at then realizing that none of them would figure out what word she was about to say. "... inter... intercourse." she fumbled even more embarrassed.  
"So with these spells I can have sex with someone..." Deidra said.  
"I could casts spells to get Snape to love me!" Tracie almost seizured.  
"GRRRRRRR." Dan said smiling to Hermione. And all three of them grabbed the book and were tugging at it. Hermione just let go not wanting anything to do with this. They all wanted the book for similar but different reasons. Dan However knew how to get the book all to himself. Realizing that he would have to go all out. He looked at the door and shouted.  
"Neville is in trouble!" Dan yelled. Deidra didn't even think about the fact that Dan had just spoke human. She didn't even realize that she had let go of the book. All she knew was that her love was in trouble and she flew towards the door. Dan knew he didn't have much time before Deidra realized she had been tricked. He looked at Tracie fighting him for the book.  
Dan pulled tight and then let go of the book. Tracie flew back onto Hermione's bed landing flat on her back. The book clutched tightly to her chest. Wasting no time Dan immediately leapt on top of her and lightly pinned her down. She didn't know what he was planning. He leaned in as if he was gonna whisper something to her. He didn't whisper. Instead he kissed her. Right on the lips she was saving for Snape. But in that moment she didn't think of that. All she could think was that her best friend had kissed her. As her emotion took over and she started to shake sinking into one of her seizure she did three things. First she felt really happy, then she realized she would have to kill Dan and then she let go of the book.  
Dan grabbed the book and flew off the bed just as Deidra was turning away from the door. He only had one option and that was the window. He spread his wings and leaped right through the glass and out into the open air. As he plummeted to the ground realizing a flaw in his planning he looked back to see Deidra falling right behind him.  
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" She yelled as she plummeted behind him.

TRACIE

Tracie stared up at the bunk above her after she recovered from her seizuring, her eyes narrowing as she realized Dan just stole the kiss she was supposed to get from Snape. Normally, any emotion would make her seizure, but something was different about this. It felt like anger, felt like almost joy, but at the same time it felt nothing like that. And then she realized the boy had escaped through the window and quickly looked out of it. "You're not going to get away forever, dragon breath! Remember, I know where you sleep!" she shouted.  
She quickly turned away from the window and darted toward the doorway; she had to beat the others back to their room before Deij and Dan returned, then she could hide out and wait for the boy.  
Dan managed to land gracefully, beginning to feel rather nervous about what he'd done, but Deidra landed less gracefully. She let out a yelp of pain as she fell onto her rear end before looking to Dan, her eyes narrowing slightly as they caught sight of the book. Oh she needed the book didn't she? Dan gulped nervously before running off, book still clutched to his chest as Deidra followed closely after, pulling out her wand just as Dan followed behind a tree.  
She waved her wand, the tree turning into fuzzy toothpicks rather than blowing up as she'd wanted. But either way it did something at least, didn't it? Dan darted off toward the black lake, sliding to a stop just before he'd have run into the water, but Deidra wasn't so lucky as she slid into the water, falling face first with a splash as Dan ran off, deciding to head back to the room, having completely forgotten about Tracie's threat from earlier.  
Deidra, on the other hand, fished herself out of the water and trudged toward the castle, pouting a little as she kicked a rock, pausing as she noticed the worm squiggling in the dirt. She squatted down and poked at it before a shadow covered her; she looked up to see Neville. "NEVILLE!" she shouted, jumping to her feet and startling the boy so he fell over. "Sorry…" she muttered. He shook his head, standing up.  
"Y-You're wet…" he stuttered, a flush on his face as he awkwardly dug at the ground with his foot. Deidra studied herself a moment, grinning slightly.  
"Dan and I were playing chase and… the book!" she shouted, suddenly running passed him. "Sorry Neville! I need to get something!" Neville just stared after her, not sure what to think now.  
Dan finally arrived at their room, pausing when he saw a very pissed off looking Tracie with her wand out. She shot him a sinister smirk before waving her wand, muttering something that sounded eerily like 'sectumcrucio'. He felt a horrible pain shoot through his body as he fell to the ground, twitching and bleeding out of every pore of his body.  
Trace bent down and grabbed the book, grinning as she watched the boy seizuring in his own blood before frowning. Watching someone else seizure really wasn't as satisfactory as she thought it'd be. "Oh hell…" she muttered, casting the counter curse to heal him before she looked to the book, grinning a little.  
And then it was out of her hands and Deidra was jumping out the window shouting 'whee'… again.

DEIDRA

Dan gasped and opened his eyes; now it was his turn to wake up staring at the ceiling. But… he was alive! HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? He felt himself over to see if he was indeed unscathed… He remembered blood… SO much blood….

He sat up scratching his head and looking around wearily for Tracie but the girl had vanished and, while that was relieving, he still managed to feel some tinges of sentimental emotions towards her. She hadn't killed him! She'd healed him! She must like him more than he thought.

BUT! He had to get that book. His getting laid by a sexy, brunette, teacher's pet that had probably learned much from it depended on it. Though he wasn't sure why… In any case, he leapt to his feet and, seeing the hole in the window, dove out of it.

It was immediately afterwards that he realized that the decision made no sense and he was probably going to die.

Tracie walked purposefully down towards the first floor courtyard, intending fully to hunt Deidra down if the girl was still outside. She would take that book from her if it had to be by force. Well… It had already PROVEN to be by force but now she was going to get serious. Something had occurred to her while up in their tower. As Dan writhed of the floor, it made her wonder what it would feel like to writhe that way sexually. Yes, she'd already made it clear to herself that she would take Snape. She would have to take him if he was never going to take her but it had occurred to her just then that she'd never truly considered how amazing it could be. How powerful merry making could be. Especially if it was Magical Merry Making. Oh yes. She was going to get that book.

But Deidra also had plans for the book.

With it in her hands, she had felt such a surge of ideas! Powerful, powerful ideas…. Ideas more interesting than any she'd had before –well, maybe-. Regardless, Deidra had formed a plan both simple and intricate. A plan that, should it work, would solve the problems of all three of them.

Most importantly though, she would get laid.

So laid would she get.

Well, probably not, Neville wouldn't know the first thing about…. UNLESS…

Deidra took off sprinting from the base of their tower. Tracie would be coming after her by now and she could not allow the girl to get a hold of the book. Especially not now that its purpose was so clear.

She stopped immediately however when she looked up and saw Dan plummeting towards her. "YOU CAN'T FLY? DAN, THAT'S SO NOT COOL!" She whipped out her wand and cast a levitation spell just before the almost-dragon hit the earth. She looked at him in the eye and patted his face. "Dan, I'm keeping this book but you have to trust me. Your genitals will be satisfied when this is over."

She started to take off once more but, seeming to think of something else, she stopped and turned back to Dan who was still suspended in the air, a look of confusion on his face. "I'll leave this here so you have something pleasurable to land on."

She waved her wand and took off running again. When Dan looked down, there was an inflatable bed in the shape of a penis. It had a little smiley face on it.

He raised an eyebrow.

Neville, on the other hand, was not really sure where to be and had stayed by the lake. It had been quite strange to run into Deidra first in the common room and then immediately afterwards by the water. Though she often bombarded him with surprises, usually unpleasant, he was still a bit shocked. More shocking still, however, were the thoughts that held him there. He didn't feel like going anywhere now… Something very shocking had happened to him.

As much as it had caught him off guard, seeing Deidra wet and crawling out of the water, particularly because she was wearing the white shirt and black skirt of their school uniform, had turned him on very much. Her bra was black and lacy… He hadn't expected that. He had been highly relieved when she took off running towards the castle however because… well, had she stayed, she would have been able to see a little more of him as well.

And so he sat by the lake, his legs still crossed subconsciously. He was thinking about her quite a bit now. He'd thought about her sexually before. He could not deny that he wasn't exactly the most masculine boy in the Gryffindor house but he was still a boy and… Though Layne scared the hell out of him sometimes, she was the only girl who seemed to be interested in him. He wasn't always sure how she was interested in him but he'd had these strange dreams recently about her stroking his hair while he slept and occasionally straddling him…

But of course those were just dreams.

…

He crossed his legs again.

Meanwhile, Snape had also remained where he was last left. He sat slumped forward at the desk in his classroom brooding about what his idiotic housling had said to him and how most effectively to punish her for it without arousing her. How dare she tell him such things! She had practically shoved the fact that he needed to get laid down his throat and –Wait, no! He didn't need to get laid. He was above such petty urges- it had truly enraged him this time. What did a pubescent, emotionally-challenged, special-train riding, quiet girl know of such things anyhow? She certainly didn't know him… If she did, she'd know that she wasn't his type at all.

Oh yes, he had once wanted to bone someone.

Her name was Lily… She had been so beautiful… Her long, red hair and curvaceous body…. Her slender legs and plump arse cheeks… Her… curvaceous body…. Her….. Body…. Slender legs… Arse cheeks….. Body…. Legs…. Arse….. Body…..

…

….

Snape snapped upright. "Bloody hell…" He whispered breathlessly. HE ONLY LIKED HER BODY!

It was so shocking to suddenly realize it but it made complete sense! He and she had nothing in common! She was a bloody GRYFFINDOR for Christ's sake. She was NICE to people. That was so ANNOYING! If she hadn't had such a rocking physical appearance, he probably wouldn't have even cared!

He stood up in a flash, knocking his chair over.

All that time he had wanted so badly to plow her that, once she had been lost from him, he had blocked it out completely and replaced his lust with thoughts more romantic and pleasant to remember.

Sweet Merlin, he had been a stiff all these years for nothing!

Well no more!

And with that, Snape strode out of the room.

Hermione, for her part, had, like Neville and Professor Snape, stayed where she had last been seen by the trio. Now that the book on "Magical Merry Making" was gone, she kind of wanted it back… She had only gotten like… one fourth of the way through. She hadn't been able to resist looking through all the pictures but she had only read the beginning bit of the book in detail. There was so much left unlearned… Not that she needed to learn about such things! She was a model student for Merlin's sake! She was far beyond the need for any knowledge so crude and primitive…. But she had gotten so tingly…

She looked around herself consciously and listened hard in case anyone was coming. Just in case, she cast a sound blocking barrier around herself and pulled her covers up over her legs.

Exhaling triumphantly, she held her wand up in front of her and whispered a spell she had learned from the Magical book the night prior. "Vibraticus!"

Had anyone entered the room during the next half hour or so, they would have, if not for the sound barrier, heard a low but powerful buzzing noise and the pathetic moans of someone who had finally found a life.

Still, it also proved that books were good.

The week ahead was going to be an interesting one.

And as Neville headed back to his dorm room, looking about him warily to avoid attention towards the bulge in his pants, he thought about Deidra and how she suddenly appeared different to him despite her spontaneous nature and spastic personality much like how Snape had suddenly started thinking differently about Tracie who, despite not being a red head, did indeed have a very real body and even nice legs and a nice arse and, like other girls, perhaps even like Hermione who was at that moment discovering the ravenous hormones of most normal schoolgirls, was probably quite willing to work with him and his apparently long-laid-dormant needs which, for everyone, needed to taken care of with swift action such as the action Dan was taking to avoid landing on an inflatable penis.

A seed had been planted in Hogwarts and in the morning when the first student entered the dungeon for Potions class and found a highly powerful book lying very obviously open in the middle of the floor there, it was going to bud and flourish into one house and then another.

Hogwarts was going to fall in chaos but whether this chaos would actually destroy the castle was unknown even to Deidra who, at that moment, was leaving Snape's classroom empty handed.

She grinned broadly.


End file.
